Empathy

vvw1970 · 11th April 2008, 11:13

People say our spectrum-y family members don't do empathy. I dispute this wholeheartedly. My experience tells me that while a person on the spectrum might not always recognise when empathy is needed, once they are made aware of the need, they care very deeply and are often very adept at helping.

Tonight, I was feeling a bit flat, and told my son as much. He then demanded that I hop up out of my chair (ended up nagging me because I didn't feel like moving). He insisted that I close my eyes and trust him.

Then he led me through the house, ultimately to his room. He positioned me so I was facing a particular wall, where I had earlier this week begun a great big dragon mural. He then told me to open my eyes, pointed at the wall, and gave me a lovely speech about how that picture says so much about how strong and great and positive and patient I am.

Of course, I was all choked up at that point. What an amazing kid.

Carey2 · 11th April 2008, 13:24

Aww, better than a box of choccies anytime

I have to agree here,this is one of the traits that so many people cite and get wrong.

In all those I have met that are on the spectrum I have seen the same thing,they DO have empathy,often a lot more than their neurotypical peers, the problem they have is understanding and expressing those feelings in the correct manner and at the appropriate time.

Like emotions, these are feelings that someone on the spectrum often has little control over,they do not understand what it is they are feeling .

My ex has said she is often overwhelmed by a flood of conflicting feelings and sensations, she still has no instant clue how to sort out which is appropriate for the situation and so has to spend time sorting this out,this means her reactions and timing are totally out of skew with the situation and people simply do not give that time in a conversation.
Being one step behind they often learn to clam up or not show any reaction as it is easier than trying to deal with the situation and possible problems that arise from misunderstandings.