Hugs

rainbows · 15th December 2007, 19:02

For as long as i can remember my 10 yr old hated to be touched,so for years i received almost no hugs and kisses.In the last year i had a breakthrough.I had spent hundreds of hours playing' touch 'games with him,without him knowing what i was really doing.We would play together for prizes[ahem..bribery]and feel all sorts of textures and then i gradually moved to slight touches of his skin.One year on,now he always asks me to massage his feet!Occasionally he will ask me for a hug and kiss too.He still often flinches with touch but how it has improved!

cubeguy · 22nd December 2007, 07:00

That's great! Let him know what those hugs and kisses mean to you --- it will help spur on his development of the ability to tolerate the touch. The more he learns about how you feel, the better he will be able to connect with you.

rainbows · 23rd December 2007, 03:00

Thankyou! I do try hard in telling him how much they mean to me and the response is 50/50..depends what mood he's in..but theres tricks to the trade,that would work with any kid..eg,i asked for a kiss goodnight the other night and he stomped off to bed gruffly..i called out to him ' oh,thats a shame,your kisses always help me sleep lovely'..back he came down with a kiss

lynn · 13th February 2008, 00:39

Rainbow You sound like a wonderful Mother!
Your son is so lucky to have you!
Lynn

rainbows · 24th February 2008, 02:13

oh,thankyou for that,but i make loads of mistakes

my son is agressive although getting better all the time its still difficult to live with and the times when im tired/stressed im not as patient as what i should be but im only human ah.My closest friends who know what its all about say they would kill him and the rest say they could'nt do it.But its different when you are in it.

He's going through a real difficult patch at the moment and sometimes there is nothing that works to ease things other than time.

Its a wonder i havent pulled my hair out..but theres still time

vvw1970 · 24th February 2008, 10:15

You know, I've learned from my friends who have neurotypical kids that parents of those on the spectrum are actually incredibly patient, despite the fact that occasionally we lose it.

These friends of mine admit to frequently losing their cool, I think probably even more often than we would, and we have to remember that the pressure on us is enormous. I dunno about you, but sometimes I feel like I'm walking a tightrope. It's as though if I put even a toe wrong, everything around me will come crashing down... the balance between applying appropriate boundaries and being understanding, figuring out when we should actually be cranky... and always on tenterhooks when the next difficult episode is going to come from our kids... I know this sounds awful, but the reality is that it's a bit like living in an abusive relationship because we adjust our actions to prevent that breakdown in our children and it's all so unpredictable.

If we only lose patience occasionally, I think we are verging on superhumanness. :) Allow yourself to be proud Rainbows :)

lynn · 25th February 2008, 10:27

My daughter is 28 years old and just had a baby who she loves to death. (7 months old) she just found out she is expecting again. She has not finished nursing the first grandbaby and has only been back to work 2 months. I go down and help her and her husband wed. thru Fri. with child care.
She is in bed as soon as she has dinner,luckily the baby goes down early and sleeps through the night. But to hear her say "now I have two parasites". Shocked me, I feel that is true but would never say that. And I mean this in a most loving sense. But from conception as a female you are not in control of your body or life anymore. You have to learn how to get through it some how even at your own expense, Health wise.

I Use to tell my children when they would argue with me "I may be your mother but that does not mean I have to be a good one" I am very patient to a point. I would tell them you should be grateful and stop arguing with me.

Life is a balance and just the fact that you care to try and make a difference is a wonderful thing. To be happy you have to let your expectations go.
Love to you all Lynn

lynn · 27th February 2008, 21:08

I have thought about what I wrote here and hope no one took it the wrong way or as offensive. I just think females and good parents are awesome. Just because you are a parent does not mean you are a good one. The fact that you care and really try to make things better for your child shows you are exceptional.
Lynn

rainbows · 8th March 2008, 05:00

no,i didnt take it as offensive at all! getting the balance is a constant effort in my household,domineered by my sons needs,getting him out even to the shops takes the patience of a saint and often a breathe deeply,he simply takes ages and ages to get ready no matter how much notice i give him.

My friends,all 'normal' kids have had umteen problems,one even ran away from home for a few months,so any parent can face a tough time.Im just unfortunate mine comes a lot more often..mind you aggression is getting less and less,im logging it all now,had 3 in 2 weeks..i used to get 3 in an hour or more!

That swearing though still bothering me...thou will stay sane ,thou still stay sane..