Administrator

I apologise in advance for the length and complicated nature of this thread. However I need someone to help me and I really have no where else to turn at this stage.

I'm 17 and are experiencing something rather peculiar that I have never before experienced (to such a degree anyway). I play the trombone at a national standard in my country and are the national champion. I pratice at least 4 hours a day and attend a performing arts high school. Normally my attention is fully absorbed by my trombone playing and this is the way I prefer it. But recently a girl in my music class has become the focus of my attention. At first I thought this might help me to focus my attention to impress her (which it has on several occaisions). This is irritating me greatly as I can not concentrate on my playing properly. Recently I have been performing in a rather large production in which she features - I have been rehearsing and performing at the production all week and it has become worse. I can not go for 5 minutes without any element of her entering my consciousess from the sound of her voice (she is a talented vocalist) to her image. I am even struggling to sleep as she dominates my dreams.

Gathering from these symptoms I’m assuming that I love her. However if this is so I have no way of knowing whether she is reciprocated due to a lack of social skills and subsequently can't approach her for an answer. I have however made several observations over the last small while. She admires my playing ability my musical knowledge, talent and dedication – at the completion of a conversation (which rather luckily arose as I would myself have been unable to initiate) I indicated that I was going to find somwhere to practice she said the following dialogue “I wish I had your dedication…”( then aside ->) “I wish I had your talent”. She appears to continually comment on my musical ability in a positive way. She sat next to me after coming off stage at a school big band performance to sit in the audience while the choir performed the other set. We spoke she wispered in my ear. She also complimented me on my improvised solo with the band which was quite spectacular that evening. She has also touched me on several occaisions linking arms etc. – no hugging.

I have made quite an effort to continue conversations that she initiates and to do helpful things for her. One day on a bus trip she indicated that she did not understand how to indentify chord inversions in an orchestral score. So remembering this I went home and typed up a document detailing how to identify even the most complex of chord progressions in a large score. I then hacked into the school server an placed it into her storage location for her to find.

To me these details indicate that there is some form of reciprocation, but it is likely I am wrong. I believed she had a boyfriend who was also exceptionally talented however at drama. During a conversation I discovered however that the relationship had ended which gave me even more hope in my chances in that she likes talented individuals. However from the orchestra pit this week I can see them sitting together touching etc. She also spends quite a bit of time with one of my friends who she thinks is “cute” I do not understand whether she means attractive or somewhat pathetic. Because he often acts in a pathetic and idiotic fashion of which I have seen her disapprove. Watching her with other males all week from the orchestra pit has been like some form of unusual torture. There has not really been much opportunity to speak to me this week however she has not even greeted me once perhaps tonight while in the dressing room we will speak.

In conclusion I have four important questions which I desperately need answered.

1. Do I love her?
2. If so based on the above observations does she reciprocate?
3. How can I stop her dominating my thoughts before she drives me insane and ruins my playing?

PLEASE ANSWER I AM DESPERATE I CAN NOT CONCENTRATE!

More...