As a college student I am an avid Facebook user and had this application called Honesty Box where you annonymously write stuff about other people...installed it because my friends and I were leaving funny messages to each other. I kind of forgot I had it and while cleaning up my page retired it from view but did not erase the application.So...in order to post in my HB...I have to be sought out as I do not have the box in my profile. The person has to see my full list of applications.*Backstory* I am a member of my university's Anime Society...and I was a member of the (what I realize now is a clique) "inner sanctum" as it's called. I had gotten sick and was barred from the Halloween party...accusations of me being insensitive were creeping about and I almost wound up committed because I was rapid cycling and suicidal. Later on I found out that I may have an Arnold-Chiari Malformation and if I do have it I need surgery. I had told who I thought was my best friend about it and I asked if we could hang out (she has a very busy life...but Mom suspects she'd been avoiding me) and we'd set a date and time (I had to change my plans). Well I had said something about another person (something she had said about him) that got back to her and she IMed me about it...and we got into an argument because honestly I didn't think she would have IMed me otherwise...it ended with her storming off and her room mate telling me off quite vulgarly. She told me that I should have told her explicitly that if I needed to talk about my ACM I should have told her outright...but it only makes sense to me that if someone tells you they may need to have BRAIN SURGERY then it only makes sense that she would need to talk right????Well I found this message in my Honesty Box tonight "I really think that you are a very self centered person, and not in a good way. You really expect everyone to fawn all over you and never really clue people in when you actually need them, you just expect the help. You never say thank you or I'm sorry to people, especially when the other people deserve it. You'd be a decent person if it weren't for that."I have difficulty expressing my needs directly...as in sometimes I don't even know what my needs ARE let alone VERBALIZE them...not to mention I thought asking if one needed to talk was proper social grace???? Also I don't say I'm sorry really because I rarely actually regret anything I've done...even if I'm in the wrong. It's just not a feeling I have because I say what needs to be said (Mom says I tend to be overly blunt).It was this last confrontation with my friend...that got my psych and I talking about AS...because this happens over and over and I'm left confused...as to why some people can do stuff that's "wrong" for me to do (I had a hitting problem...didn't discern when it was acceptable for me to do so) and why it KEEPS HAPPENING...and people who know me well say I'm self-centered yes but "bratty" and "insensitive" I am not. I just do not know how to express emotion with gestures and words, even when I recognize the feelings I'm having (which isn't all the time).I am not open about my AS at school because this was the same group of people who told me I was using my anxiety disorders as an excuse (I was having room mate issues to the point I had panic attacks and became agoraphobic) to not have to solve the problem myself. *sigh* I'm just...lost...and quite ashamed frankly.
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Has this ever happened to you????
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