vvw1970

We've all been there before... we're trying to get our child to do something, we're in a hurry, we need it done now, and he stops dead in his tracks, asking the time-honoured and eternally annoying question, "Why?"

In a situation like this, it is easy to get frustrated and/or impatient and simply say, "Because I told you to! Now get on with it - I haven't got time for silly questions!"

I remember my boy started asking this question at a time that I thought was exceedingly early. I wanted to find the person who had taught him this word, and throttle them. I was driven virtually insane with all of the "Why"s.

But how many of us have stopped to wonder what it is about the question "Why?" that makes it such an integral part of what our kids ask every day?

The answer is simple. The general mindset of someone with high-functioning autism or Aspergers is one based in logic. This is because logic is predictable, solid, reliable - all things which help to create a feeling of safety and steadiness, especially for someone on the spectrum.

In short, if it makes sense, it's easier to deal with.

When something is illogical, a person on the spectrum replays the scene over and over in their head, trying to find the logic within it, trying to resolve the scenario. If they can't find that logic, they ask us for help by asking "why?"

They ask because they need to, not just to rebel or to annoy us. And isn't that what we've all been training our kids to do, to ask for help? Even on this level, it's important that we choose to take the time to answer.

What is it that we see in our kids when we don't answer their "why"? They ask again, "But why?" They dig their heels in, argue, get frustrated, refuse to take action, sometimes even go into meltdown.

The logic of any given situation is often what allows these kids to move through it. Logic helps transitions to run more smoothly. Logic helps in getting an activity started. Logic, put simply, gives a reason for a particular behaviour to be adopted.

So, the point I'm trying to make here, is that logic is an excellent motivator. It's worth being prepared to answer the "why" questions that arise, because if we can help our kids make sense of the world, or of the situation right in front of them, then they are less likely to be anxious, and more likely to actually do whatever it is that is asked of them.

Logic is a calming tonic for people on the Autism Spectrum. In this regard it is well worth utilising this as a strategy as much as possible.

Another aspect of this is that using logic appeals to the intellectual side of these kids. They know when they are a smart person, and they have so much external input telling them that they are somehow flawed or different, that their 'smartness' becomes very important to them. This means that appealing to their intellectual ego by allowing them to understand the logic behind any given situation is obviously going to affect good results.

So, next time your kid turns to you and says, "Why?" when you've asked them to do something, think about the 20 seconds it will take to answer their question. Compare that to the length of time it will take to calm him down and get him moving all over again if he loses control of himself. Which approach would you rather take?

To me, the answer seems pretty logical.



Hope this helps!

~v