vvw1970

My son is diagnosed with Aspergers and has been included in a mainstream school setting since kindergarten, with a teacher's aide for the past two years (this year he will be in year 4). Despite his recognised needs, I have found that often teachers and teacher's aides are unqualified and inexperienced with his disorder. They overlook the little things which make a big difference in his world, and often assume that he is intentionally being difficult. They often punish when what he really needs is help - ultimately this is simply due to ignorance though, and once they are better educated, they tend to handle things better.

For the last three years, at the start of each year, I have provided a letter to my son's new teacher in order to make sure they are fully informed about the issues which affect him. This serves a few purposes:

1. I have a historical record of his progress (at least in a general sense)

2. The teacher has a better understanding of how he thinks and what he needs.

3. It opens up the lines of communication. Teachers (so far at least) have always been grateful to have this information provided and they say that it is extremely helpful.

4. It serves as a written record that the teacher has been informed, so if problems arise, they can't plead ignorance and I have a paper trail for any complaints I might need to make.

The letter is always written from the child's point of view, as this seems to be more absorbable for the teacher and therefore more effective. The first two of these letters I wrote myself because he was too young to do it, but my son was involved in checking whether I had got things right and letting me know what to include. This year, he told me exactly what to type, and the letter was put together in his own words, verbatim.

He's now nine years old. Below is the most recent letter written by him (his name has been removed). I have to admit, it makes me tear up a little when I read it; I'm so impressed at how well he understands himself and how well he managed to articulate his needs:

I am XXXX. I have Asperger’s Syndrome and I am proud of it. There’s a lot more to me than meets the eye. When you meet me I may seem normal but I do have Asperger’s Syndrome so please be aware of that, because one school completely ignored that, and that completely ruined me.

Asperger’s Syndrome makes it hard for me to understand other kids.

I find it difficult to cope with crowds, loud noises, bright lights and insults.

My arms are not very strong so can you please not be very hard on me about writing quickly. I will be getting a laptop so that it will be easier for me to do writing.

I really hate sport. It is my least favourite subject at school. I especially hate when you have to run around. I don’t like being in sport groups.

I hate group activities. I prefer to work solo. Can I please have a desk by myself?

I really dislike singing because it’s a part of my loud noises problem and also people singing all at once gives me a really big achy headache. I’d rather not have to do this at all.

My body has problems controlling its temperature. I overheat very easily. If I overheat I can get very difficult. I have a card which explains what to do when I am too hot.

I am interested in Science and I’ve never had a Science class in my life. Can you please fit in some time for a science class? I want to grow up to be a scientist in NASA.

School is really boring sometimes. I would rather be doing a science experiment or reading a book instead of the activities I dislike or hate.

Sometimes I have trouble getting started with activities and I would like some help with that.

It’s hard for me to switch an activity. Five or six minutes break before I start a new one will help me a lot.

Sometimes I make mistakes but I don’t mean to make them and getting into trouble makes me upset and makes me not want to do anything for a while. It would be better if someone could teach me what I did wrong after I’ve calmed down, and tell me what I should do if that happens again.

I flap my hands when I’m excited. Some kids tease me about it. It would be good to not get teased about it because I can’t help it. I’ve done it ever since I was five months old.

My mind is always wandering so I usually say “Uhm” sometimes before I actually say what I need to say. So please don’t be mean to me, I just need some time to gather my thoughts.

I sometimes say something about what you look like. Please do not take this as an insult. I do not want to hurt your feelings. Can you please teach me if I’ve actually said something wrong, then I’ll learn not to say it.

It’s hard to know if someone is happy, sad or angry – any emotion is hard to realise or understand. That’s a part of having Asperger’s Syndrome. I care about their feelings but I can’t tell if their emotions are bad or good at the time.

I can’t explain why I don’t like looking people in the eye. It gives me the creeps though. It’s easier for me to concentrate on someone when I’m not looking at them. Some people say I have to look them in the eye before they’ll say anything. That makes me feel really frustrated because it isn’t my fault that I don’t like looking people in the eye.

It is easy for me to maintain friends but it’s hard for me to make friends, because some of the kids pick on me. Other kids have friends and they never want to play with me, or they completely ignore what I want to do.

I cannot break a promise and I promise you this: that I will try to be as good as I can, but I cannot promise you I will be perfect. I used to try to be perfect, but I beat myself up for that, so please don’t try and say I need to do it better, because when I do something I try to do it my best.

Carey2

No wonder you are so proud of your son and I can imagine the tears welling up.

This really is an amazing statement for any nine year old to make in relation to their condition. I bet it made teachers think twice about who they were dealing with.

We still see so called professionals spouting the autistic condition from a "menu".

Child X is autistic therefore they will do ........ and they come out with this set list of behaviours that they believe defines an autistic person,of course as soon as child X does something outside of this menu the teacher is totally lost as to how they should deal with the new and unexpected event.

My own son had a teacher that was totally unable to understand that autistic people are not all "Rain Man" or rock and flap all day.
"But he is autistic ...... he is not behaving like it" I asked if all the other children in her class were identical in behaviour ,mannerisms and abilities. " Of course they are not !" was the indignant reply! "They are individuals " So are autistic people not individuals? A concept that many seem hard to take in,it is as if they are perceived as being nonhuman.

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rainbows

oh..this was beautiful to read.Thankyou for sharing it because it has helped me realise something.

In the two and a half yrs since my son was diagnosed with aspergers not one member of staff so far has understood the complete picture with my son.There are snippets of information here,there and everywhere and even what i have said has not sunk in at times.

In june i should have my appeal date to get my son in the school i want.
He does not attend school now as they cant find one and he has a tutor 6 hrs a week.I am going to write an article about my son for the new school..[lets be confident here,i'll win!]

I will ask my son to contribute but i have a feeling he wont.If he wont,maybe he will one day.

Many thanks for putting this up;it has truly helped me realise i need to do this.xx

vvw1970

Thanks for your great feedback :) I haven't got much time at the moment, so I'll have to come back and do this later, but Rainbows I will dig up the previous two letters written by me, and hopefully they will help to act as a guide for you.

cheers!
~v

lynn

vvw1970,
What a great suggestion writing this letter is, especially when through your sons own words. My son was so sensative but the school did not understand that. I worked in the classroom and with the teachers and that did help. I think it is hard for the school personnel to understand that these children are more intune and sensative than they are aware of. If they would just get to know them and understand where they are coming from, they would see it in a whole different light. I really enjoyed your sons letter and your approach.
Lynn

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The Truth Of High Noon Is Not For Tender Leaves