So there has been this issue that has come up, and I have had a, well, a giant lightbulb above my head light up today.There were three examples this week that have come to a head, and ended with a serious discussion/argument in my house today.1)**The "date" my husband and I had on Thursday and the food experience.2)**There is company coming this weekend and there is stress about it.3)**We had a haircut appointment today and it was a stressful thing.So, I broke them all down, but basically what happened was that I listened to my husband, and should not have (do not get angry, there is an explanation coming).**1)**When we made the plans about the "date" we discussed lunch and how best to handle it.**I recalled that the last time we had been to that mall, the food court was a disaster.**When talking to my hubby, I told him that I recalled that, and he said it was ok, not to worry about it.**(He was thinking about the proximity to the theatre and ease of eating in the mall.)**It was a complete disaster.**Total people, noise, and smells of food overload.**It made the date a mess, and ruined an already stressful day.2)**We have some dear friends coming over on Sunday.**They had asked to come Friday night for dinner (on Thursday) and that was stressful enough, but I worked out the timing, and thought it would be ok, and a short visit, etc.**The date needed to change to Sunday, and on Friday when that was decided the stress started.**My husband's mood went into the proverbial "toilet" and has not come out.**It will stay bad until the visit, and for about 3 days after, until the house is "cleansed" of all visitors.**Basically, 6 days of stress for a 6 HOUR visit.**I asked my husband if the visit was ok before we made the plans.**I asked him again if it was ok to move it.**He said yes, that these are our friends, and we need a network of support in our lives.****3)**I needed a haircut (looking like Bozo the clown) and so did our daughter.**My husband has not had one in like 1.5 years.**I asked if he would like to join us, and he said that he would like a haircut as well.**I checked with him several times about whether or not it was going to be ok, the best way to handle getting there and parking, etc.**By the time we went to the haircut place, he was so anxious that his stomach was in knots, and he did not come.**But not before a long stressful argument between us.**Here is the thing.**Each and every time I have anticipated a problem.**Each and every time I have talked to him about the anticipated problem.**Each and every time he assures me there will be no problem.**Each and every time there IS a problem, and it was the one I was expecting.**Each and every time, he is stressed, and I am stressed, and we both end up miserable.So, what in the hell can I do?**I mean, I know the factors, I know what the issues will be, I talk to him about them, and he assures me they will not be a problem, and then BINGO, they ARE!**We finally figured this out today.**I said, I am trying my best, I ask, I tell you what I think will happen, you dismiss me and my concerns and assure me that it will be fine, and then it is not fine, it is exactly what I predicted!**I feel like you are lying to me!**I feel like I am screwed no matter what!**He explained to me that he is not lying to me, that he hears my words, and that he does not think that will happen.**He looks at it from a logical perspective, and leaves out the emotion of it, and gives me his honest answer at the time. But my instincts are right.**I will not say all of the time, but NEARLY all of the time, it is exactly as I predicted.**My worst fears coming true.**UGH!**So we discussed it and came up with a solution to try.**I am not sure how it will work, but we came up with a word I can use to let him know it is one of those situations.**I will not share the word, as it is a little big magic, and I do not want to spoil it.**But we will try using it as a special word, where he needs to pay special attention to what I am saying, and listen to it, and allow me to take the lead on that decision.**What do you think?
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